AT PEACE...
Growing up, I would always hear people tell me how adorable and handsome they think I am. Even up to this day, people just find it extremely easy to give me compliments. Don't get me wrong. I have not been getting JUST compliments. I have had my fair share of "laits" coming from strangers on the streets all the way to my closest relatives during family reunions.
Why?
I effin' don't know.
From the time i finished grade school up to 2003, my weight has always been "okay". By that I mean it's slightly on the heavy side but I was never considered too big. After 2003, I started gaining weight and never stopped from then on.
I love eating. I wouldn't really consider myself as a heavy-eater but my choice of what to eat and the lack of physical activity is to be blamed for my ballooning body. But who am I kidding? It's always the lack of discipline that should be blamed. And that finger points directly at ME.
I have had my fair share of rejections because of my weight. Most of the guys I dated were either people online (people I've never met) or my friends' "reto" or blind dates. The result? almost all of them started and ended in just one date.
I hated myself. I was angry. I would shy away from love, try it agian, get rejected and then cry. The cycle never ended. It was the loooongest 5 years of my life... not to mention the darkest.
It all came in a blur. Casual encounters, meaningless sex and even big fights at the club... I saw it all happen to me. That affected my self-esteem. That affected my life.
As I grow more matured, I meet more people with open minds. I couldn't be happier. I thought that if I were surrounded by nice people, I'd be at peace with wh
o I am.
NOPE. Couldn't be more wrong. Geesh.
After too many failed relationships, I asked myself, "Toni, is it really worth it?"
The answer? NO. and there's really nothing wrong with thinking that way. I was paralyzed by fear to even go try again but my "other" relationships helped me survive being single. Weekly trips to Baclaran and mindless shopping also helped a lot.
When people grow old, they start paying more attention to everything. Family, career and even social networking. Now more than ever, people pay a huge amount of attention to how they will be perceived by people they hardly know. There is so much pressure to be in shape and health conscious. People with nice bodies are adored and desired. Their social media posts gathers thousands and thousand of likes. It's like people with abs become instant celebrities. And what happens to us mere mortals? Fatties are out, the slims are in, right?
WRONG!
With all the gym and fitness center mushrooming all over the metro, you would instantly assume that I must have tried one of them at the very least. You are 100% correct! It happened so many times already that I have tried and left these gyms. Gym membership however, is just not enough. My weight didn't change and it just got harder. You are super excited one moment and the next, you are chowing down carbs. It became a vicious cycle of self-doubt, demotivation and that painful feeling of not being good enough.
So if I can't lose all this weight, what do I do? How can I get out of this stuck feeling? My solution? In the words of Toni Gonzaga's character Teddie in "Four Sisters and A Wedding", Options, options, options! Give yourself the option to feel other feelings. Don't just make a choice between sadness and depression. Those aren't your only choices. Add positivity, inspiration and self-love in the mix! Why? Because you can. How? By choosing everyday and today, I chose to be BEAUTIFUL...
Making that choice made me smile more. I became more friendly. I make fun of myself at times but not to feel bad about myself to for me not to take things too seriously. No biggie. Ride it baby. You're fat? So what!?!
FAT IS FABULOUS.
*wink*
Why?
I effin' don't know.
From the time i finished grade school up to 2003, my weight has always been "okay". By that I mean it's slightly on the heavy side but I was never considered too big. After 2003, I started gaining weight and never stopped from then on.
I love eating. I wouldn't really consider myself as a heavy-eater but my choice of what to eat and the lack of physical activity is to be blamed for my ballooning body. But who am I kidding? It's always the lack of discipline that should be blamed. And that finger points directly at ME.
I have had my fair share of rejections because of my weight. Most of the guys I dated were either people online (people I've never met) or my friends' "reto" or blind dates. The result? almost all of them started and ended in just one date.
I hated myself. I was angry. I would shy away from love, try it agian, get rejected and then cry. The cycle never ended. It was the loooongest 5 years of my life... not to mention the darkest.
It all came in a blur. Casual encounters, meaningless sex and even big fights at the club... I saw it all happen to me. That affected my self-esteem. That affected my life.
As I grow more matured, I meet more people with open minds. I couldn't be happier. I thought that if I were surrounded by nice people, I'd be at peace with wh
o I am.NOPE. Couldn't be more wrong. Geesh.
After too many failed relationships, I asked myself, "Toni, is it really worth it?"
The answer? NO. and there's really nothing wrong with thinking that way. I was paralyzed by fear to even go try again but my "other" relationships helped me survive being single. Weekly trips to Baclaran and mindless shopping also helped a lot.
When people grow old, they start paying more attention to everything. Family, career and even social networking. Now more than ever, people pay a huge amount of attention to how they will be perceived by people they hardly know. There is so much pressure to be in shape and health conscious. People with nice bodies are adored and desired. Their social media posts gathers thousands and thousand of likes. It's like people with abs become instant celebrities. And what happens to us mere mortals? Fatties are out, the slims are in, right?
WRONG!
With all the gym and fitness center mushrooming all over the metro, you would instantly assume that I must have tried one of them at the very least. You are 100% correct! It happened so many times already that I have tried and left these gyms. Gym membership however, is just not enough. My weight didn't change and it just got harder. You are super excited one moment and the next, you are chowing down carbs. It became a vicious cycle of self-doubt, demotivation and that painful feeling of not being good enough.
So if I can't lose all this weight, what do I do? How can I get out of this stuck feeling? My solution? In the words of Toni Gonzaga's character Teddie in "Four Sisters and A Wedding", Options, options, options! Give yourself the option to feel other feelings. Don't just make a choice between sadness and depression. Those aren't your only choices. Add positivity, inspiration and self-love in the mix! Why? Because you can. How? By choosing everyday and today, I chose to be BEAUTIFUL...
Making that choice made me smile more. I became more friendly. I make fun of myself at times but not to feel bad about myself to for me not to take things too seriously. No biggie. Ride it baby. You're fat? So what!?!
FAT IS FABULOUS.
*wink*
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