The Wonderful Things I Learned From Mr. Wrong

Every girl (and a whole lot of guys too) I know are in this never ending search for Mr. Right.  According to the myth, Mr. Right is called Mr. Right simply because he is the most perfect fit as to what everyone wants in the guy they date. He is the one we can’t wait to tell our friends about. He is someone we would want our parents or family to meet. He is the one we cannot tweet enough about or potentially the subject of at least 50% of our Instagram and Facebook posts. He is our destiny.

WHO: Mr. Right

Across many different cultures, Mr. Right is believed to be good looking, smart, healthy, sensible, financially independent, a gentleman, funny, reliable, good in sports, can handle his alcohol, loyal, honest, good in bed and has the most perfect timing. He is most commonly played by the likes of Ryan Reynolds, Freddie Prinze, Jr., Brad Pitt, Jericho Rosales and John Lloyd Cruz in all the romantic comedy films with a happy ending that we all loved.

All of us at one point fell in love with the idea that we have our own Mr. Right. After all, the closest people to us keep on insisting that they exist. During points in our lives when we are most vulnerable (a break up, depression and even weight gain for crying out loud), we are constantly reminded by our support system that we should cut short the times we do not feel so good about ourselves simply because the “right” guy is just waiting around the corner like a pickpocket eagerly waiting for his next victim. He will sweep us off our feet with his perfect smile and potentially a bouquet of flowers… in the rain… outside our house… still looking cute.

WHO: Mr. Wrong

Anyone who does not fall under any of the conditions previously defined is said to be Mr. Wrong. This sweeping categorization is based on the idea that Mr. Wrong is not good enough. He is a placeholder. Someone who’s there for “now” and will eventually be replaced by Mr. Right. He is also called Mr. Right Now at times. He is not Mr. Right but we all believed he was particularly in the beginning. He then slides to the “wrong” category as soon as he starts showing signs of weaknesses.

It will be a terribly long debate to fully calibrate on the differences between Mr. Right and Mr. Wrong. We all have our own definition of Mr. Right and that is what lead me to focus on Mr. Wrong. Although dating him sounds like a horrible idea, I strongly believe that there are things we can learn from him. After all, all Mr. Wrongs start from being Mr. Right.

Here are a couple of things I learned from dating a whole lot of Mr. Wrongs:

Let It Be Known: He Doesn’t Know He is Mr. Wrong

Don’t judge the poor guy. He was taking his chances too. Mr. Wrong believed the same thing you believed which is he could be the one. What made him wrong for you could not have been planned at all. It’s not a case of false advertising but rather a case of mistaken identity. Mr. Wrong most probably did not intentionally trick you into being in a relationship with him. He tried to be Mr. Right because he wanted to make you happy but obviously he failed. So unless he cheats on you, give the guy a break.

Let It Be Known: Mr. Wrong is NOT Mr. Perfect and Neither is Mr. Right

We all have flaws. Cliché as it may sound, nobody’s perfect and I agree completely. Come into terms with the idea that not every slight flaw is a deal breaker. I used to think that nice hands and feet are deal breakers. My idea then was that if he could take care of his hands and feet, he can definitely take care of me. Of course I was wrong. I dated a guy who had the most perfect hands and feet and yet had the most stinking attitude. There will be tiny things that you won’t like about Mr. Right but loving someone does not limit us from just loving bits pieces of him. It has to be the whole package. You know, scars and all.

Let It Be Known: You Will Only Know Who Mr. Right Is Once You Already Know What You Really Want

Know what you really want, not just what you want right now, but what you are willing to live with in the future. Being wishy-washy about what you want in a relationship is a glaring sign of relationship immaturity. If you find yourself constantly changing your preferences, maybe you’re not ready to be in a relationship just yet. Relationships are to be taken seriously and not with a great sense of impulsiveness. If you’re not dead serious about getting into a relationship, someone’s going to get hurt.

Let It Be Known: Mr. Right Is Looking For His Own Mr./Ms. Right Too

Two could play that game my friend. Mr. Wrong is just like you, in search of his own destiny. He didn’t just line up to be your Mr. Wrong. He is taking his chances too and with you at that. So unless you’re okay with being called a heartless piece of sh*t, take it easy on the name calling after the break-up. After all, we run in circles.

Let It Be Known: You Have To Put Yourself Out There

Quit it with the idea that Mr. Right will find you. Unless you register your cute face, sexy body and mind-blowing personality on Foursquare or Google Maps, he won’t find his way towards you because THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS.

Take chances. Meet people. Open yourself to all possibilities. Socialization is not as scary as it was before. Many years ago, I had to muster enough strength to initiate a conversation with the guy I am interested in and that meant physically approaching him and introducing myself. That was hard and totally risky but if I didn’t try, I would really know if I had a shot. Don’t just wait. Initiate something! With today’s technology, that shouldn’t be so difficult anymore. Strike a conversation. Like his post. Comment on things he shares on Twitter or Instagram. Make things happen.

There are always things we learn in the most unexpected circumstances. The key is to make the most out of it. Sure, dating Mr. Wrong has its disadvantages but that’s just how dating is. It’s not always easy.

I have dated many many Mr. Wrongs in the past but I don’t regret it. I just pick a thing or two, dust myself a bit and then move on. There could be tears along the way but I just wipe it dry. After all, I will not fully appreciate Mr. Right if not for all the Mr. Wrongs out there.